Saturday, January 2, 2010

Well that was quick.

I realize that I haven't blogged in a long time. I have been busy living life, and not taking very good care of myself. One of MANY resolutions for this year is to take care of my mental, emotional and physical health. Keep your fingers crossed for me, I tend to get busy and fall off the wagon rather quickly.

But now for the point of this blog ~

2010 is here and 2009 is gone. Wow! It seems like just yesterday I was married to someone else and wondering how bad y2k was going to be. Hard to imagine either of those things now.

I am not sure I really even know what to compare 2009 to. A relationship with an abusive boyfriend? A serious bout of buyer's remorse? The closest thing I can think of is a night spent with really good friends and really good booze, that REALLY hurts the next morning.

To summarize briefly ~ 2009 brought Mia, born happy and healthy in September and brought Ben home safely from Iraq. While I thought that both of those events would allow me to sleep through the night, I was wrong. Now I worry about Mia breathing and Ben taking on riskier endeavors. oh well.

On the negative side, I have to say that 2009 pissed in my cheerios way more then I feel was fair. Both Greg and I were laid off. It seemed like the Dr's were always telling us that something was wrong with Mimi, and that I spent too much time strapped into a hospital bed being tested for something. Greg had his heart issue in November, we still don't know what caused it, but he is taking medicines to keep his heart beat regular and his blood pressure low until the cardiologist can find out why it went all haywire. The meds make him tired and cranky, but keep him alive :-) In December Tessa's social worker notified us that she had found not one, but two!!! potential dads for her. Part of me thinks it could be a blessing. Tessa will want to know who her biological family is when she grows up. The other part of me is irrate. The social worker should have filed for termination after 6 months, and I feel like her case was back burnered because we were easy and uneventful. I think it is unfair that her case not be done and over with right now, and that Greg and myself and mostly the baby need and deserve to have that closure. ugh. 2009 comes to an end, the emotional part of me would like to wave it out with a big f@*k you!, and the sensible part of me knows better. You don't tempt fate. I am not sure who is running the show. It might be God, it might not be. But I am starting to believe that someone has a plan for me. I never thought that I would be where I am. Stressful times make you realize who your real friends are and which family members will always be there when you need them. Stress makes you realize what is important and who is important. On those days that I wake up and feel like crawling under the covers and crying "it's not fair!" I have to remind myself that it is fair. My family is happy. And we don't take our health for granted. I love my husband and I love my girls. And I am pretty sure that they love me. At least on my good days, ;-)


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