After almost 9 yrs of being married I have come to the conclusion that men don't think. They are simple creatures. They don't over analyze things like women do, or worry about hurting feelings. In honor of this recent enlightenment, I would like to mention a few things to my beloved.
1. If you want me to be intimate with you more often, scratching yourself, burping and farting (now matter how loud or impressive is it) will NEVER help your cause. I have been telling you this for 9 freaking years. Figure it out. At no point will your award winning belch make me change my mind and want to hop in the sack with you.
2. If it is your night to take care of the baby, and I have already gone to sleep, it is NOT ok to wake me up to ask for help dressing, diapering or feeding the baby. Or putting the sheet on her bed. If I am asleep, that means I have no interest in helping you. With anything. That what "taking care of the baby" means. You don't get to do just the parts you like.
3. Even if it is Father's Day, if I have just spent the night with a sick baby, followed by a trip to the Emergency Room that you thought was "overreacting" my need for sleep will ALWAYS trump your need for Father's Day nookie. Period.
I love you, but God help me lately.