Tuesday, May 29, 2012


Please don’t ask how on earth I even came across it, but I will tell you that while it did occur while at work, I was most certainly “on a break”.  I also really have no excuse as to why I clicked on the link, except for sheer curiosity and my commitment to my now full blown mid life crisis.

While I certainly expect a few raised eyebrows, you and I both know damn well that there are few ladies out there who would be able to ignore VAJAZZLES! in glittery pink font without clicking on it.  I am not one of them.

I am all for keeping your girlfriend in tip top, fully groomed, as pretty as she can be, on a regular basis, shape.  I can recite to you all of the latest and greatest hair removal techniques, and which one I would recommend for your particular breed of hair, as well as tell you the pain factor involved with each.  I have excitedly made appointments to be waxed, only to have sweat dripping from my palms as I pull into the parking lot wondering who the f@(k thought that this was a good idea, and why do I give 2 shits what anyone cares about how MY who-ha looks?

Well I do care, that seems to be the problem.  As I get older, and good lord does it seem like that is happening faster and faster lately, I seem to care a ridiculous amount more then I used to.  It seems like for every chin/neck hair I find and tweeze, the urge to groom other poor, defenseless places just grows and grows. 

That being said, I feel as if I have exhausted all of the available choices on how to groom my little girlfriend, and while I am quite happy with my current state of hardwood floors, the chance to kick it up a notch without piercing something and scaring the bejesus out of my unsuspecting husband was more then a wee bit intriguing.

VaJazzling, from what I can tell, is the equivalent of Lee Press On Nails for your kittyboo.  Apparently you can pay someone to apply a very intricate design, or DIY.  The latter not being the best plan for someone like myself who struggles to paint her own toe nails.  You can VaJazzle for a variety of reasons, anything from trying to cover up a c section scar or covering up post waxing rashes, to needing to feel a little pretty after a breakup (google Jennifer Love Hewitt).  I am still puzzled by a few details; such as how long does it lasts, what happens if a stone falls out, and so on and so forth.

Interesting to say the least.  Expensive if you are cheap when it comes to decorating your lady parts.  That’s not to say I have completely ruled it out.  Sometimes a girl has to go to extremes to be cutting edge.  But I worry that it would become addicting.  Is it like getting your nails done?  Will I need to change my design to keep up with the next holiday?  Is it patriotic to plaster an American flag on sweet little Virginia in honor of Memorial Day?  Would it be wrong to decorate the honey pot in honor of the girls’ upcoming birthday party themes?

Oh the crap that runs thru my head.

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